Yeah...Where my Texians At? Woo-woo!

I awoke with a start this morning. Having just squeaked open a sliver of eye to suss out the source of the vibration beside my face, I read a text message from my mom: "Happy 175th Texas Indy Day!!" Dang, yes. 

Blindsided again by March 2nd. 

The state of the Republic of Texas today turns 175. That's right I said "Republic of Texas"... did I stutter? Well, to be fair, many of you may not be Texas-born-Texas-bred. That means you weren't fortunate enough to have (at least) three years of Texas History cranked into you before high school graduation. So is it fair to say, you may have missed some things? 

I'll take that as a "Hell yes! Tell me more!" With that, I bring you the first in a series of Texas education catcher-uppers I like to call: "Texas: Don't Hate - Imitate." You're welcome, in advance.

It all really started with a seemingly backward immigration, by today's standards. In 1830, the Mexican president put a stop to the influx of United States-born people wanting to inhabit the state of Coahuila y Tejas. While he was at it, as is often the case, he went along and imposed property taxes on new-ish settlers and instated tariffs on U.S. imports. And, I admit it, he hacked off a few of these settlers by also outlawing slavery in the state.

Things started to unravel for the settlers, who identified with federalist ideals, in the face of the centralized government Mexico was trying to post up. Under this umbrella, it asked settlers (mostly Protestant) to pledge allegiance to the Roman Catholic church. Settlers had a problem with this. Another bone they had to pick was with Mexico attempting to dictate what crops they could grow (the more things change, the more they stay the same, it seems). Mexico hoped Coahuila y Tejas would grow food to send southward as provisions for the greater country - but the settlers were eager to get in on planting some of that almighty Cotton. All in all, things weren't looking good for our heroes. A little tug-of-war between the sides began, and when Mexico came to retrieve a certain cannon from the Texians, they were unexpectedly told:

"Come and take it."

Begin the story of the War of Independence: Mexicans advance-Texians show surprising strength-Mexicans retreat. Texians clean out Mexican army's supplies and reinforcements join up, all the while building support among the settlers. Even out-of-state admirers like David Crockett headed Tex-ward to bolster the cause.

Side note: Crockett's hilarious. After opposing the Indian Removal Act of Andrew Jackson, under whose party he was elected as a representative of Tennessee, he snapped:

"I bark at no man's bid. I will never come and go, and fetch and carry, at the whistle of the great man in the White House no matter who he is."

He was definitely of the kind of stock who'd likely be possessed with the Spirit of Texas, though. In Congress, he balked at his colleagues who wanted to send taxpayer dollars to widows of servicemen, but weren't themselves willing to give up a week's pay to do so. He was of a mind to offer personal support, rather than pull from the Public's pocket without permission.

After losing re-election, however, he put his foot down.

"I told the people of my district that I would serve them as faithfully as I had done; but if not ... you may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas."

Illustration by Howard David Johnson

And he did. Just in time to die at the Alamo.

Make no mistake, the Alamo wasn't pretty. Almost every Texian defender -names like Crockett, Travis, and Bowie (say it with me: "Booooo-weeee") - were killed. Even so, they weren't going down without a fight. Around 200-250 Texians went to the grave but took around 500-600 Mexican soldiers with them. Word spread, and pretty soon even PeeWee Herman was "Remembering the Alamo!"  ...Wait, that doesn't seem right.


Meanwhile, back at the ranch (a.k.a. "Washington-on-the-Brazos")... Texas' Declaration of Independence, based on the writings of John Locke and Thomas Jefferson, was ratified on March 2 - with no debate. Boo-yah.

Well, Class, that brings us to the Battle of San Jacinto. ...Give me a minute, just have to hitch up these britches... Ah, there we go. Gotta make room for the pride.

As it happens, this blogger's particular relative, (great-great-great-whatHaveYou) Edward Burleson, was second in command under Sam Houston (which a separate great-great-great-SuchAndSuch had baptized). 

If you think Texans are cocky, we ain't got nothin' on Santa Anna's Mexican army of 1836. Convinced his 1400 soldiers had it in the bag, they did what any well-dressed, confident young men would do on a lovely Texas riverside afternoon in April - they took a nap. 

Lucky for the Texians (and for my family), Sam Houston had decided to toss his officers' advice to wait for Santa Anna's assault. They never saw it coming. As good Texians, they "remembered the Alamo" and went to town, avenging the massacre they had suffered there (and the aftermath, in which Santa Anna had the bodies stacked up and burned outside the Alamo).

Santa Anna, in noble fashion, booked it across the hill country, leaving his men to flee across the 10-foot-deep San Jacinto River with a bunch of Texians all jacked up on freedom unrelenting in chase. All told, 1400 Mexicans were killed or captured; 9 Texians died. Yeah. Turn out the lights, the party's over... Goodnight, Irene.  

(Or shall I say, "Goodnight, Emily?" Legend has it that, delayed by a roll in the hay with a woman named Emily West (dubbed the "Yellow Rose of Texas"), Santa Anna was caught -literally- with his pants down. And underneath those pants? Silk underwear. Note to self: When ditching regal attire to "blend in" with the locals, it's a good idea to ditch the fancy britches, too.)

That about does it for lesson 1. Now don't you feel proud? Inspired? Freer even, just knowing this noble Spirit of Texas is out there... somewhere...? Alright, I'll step down off my high horse now. Aw hell, I can't resist: 

Texas, our Texas! All hail the mighty State!
Texas, our Texas! So wonderful so great!
Boldest and grandest, Withstanding ev'ry test;
O Empire wide and glorious, You stand supremely blest.


God bless you Texas! And keep you brave and strong,
That you may grow in power and worth,
Thro'out the ages long.

Happy Birthday to the State you love to Hate.